What's With the Name, "Caficionados"?

"So what," you ask, "is with the weird name you chose?"  Really?  You can't instantly recognize how clever we are?  As always, it is up to me to explain the etymology of words that Brent and I make up.  To the cultured and refined, it should be obvious but for those readers who think white-rimmed sunglasses are cool and enjoy anything to do with politics, I shall explain in as much detail as I think you can handle, using a third-grade level vocabulary wherever possible:

ORIGINS AND ROOTS: The cultured and refined would instantly recognize that the word, Caficionados, is derived from two other words, "Café" (kaˈfā) which is a Spanish-sounding word, of Spanish-sounding origin, and "Aficionado" (əˌfisyəˈnädō), another exotic-sounding word that, like the word "café" probably had its origins in another country.  Maybe Ireland or Jamaica.  If you go back far enough, both of these words probably have some variation of something similar in Latin and before that it was something else entirely in Greek.  If they existed before Greek was invented, it wouldn't make any difference.  Don't worry about it. 

"Café" probably originally stood for something related to those small, road-side french-themed restaurants that practically any movie set in Europe depicts with insufficient seating and overpriced, day-old croissants.  It relates to coffee because, as anyone who has ever tried to eat at one of these places knows, it is impossible to get good service from the small, underweight, frazzled-looking girl scurrying around to all the tables apologizing profusely for mistaken orders and making drinks with the complexity of a nuclear chemists' lab notebook.  Similarly, don't expect any service from her crabby, overbearing, loud Nordic boss.  All you can do at these places is smell the coffee that everyone else has inexplicably been served (incorrectly) and fret.  

More recently, the word "café" has been highjacked by the hipster communities and is used to describe any restaurant whose primary function/product is not serving craft beer, has at least three patrons carrying a small dog with them in an over-sized Gucci purse, and whose clientele primarily ascribes to the Democratic party.

By contrast, "Aficionado" is a word usually only uttered in English clubs for very rich old men during tea-time, whilst sitting in red, overstuffed chairs holding massive cigars in one hand and a very fine scotch in the other.  Often, it is used in conjunction with other words of a similar ilk, like "indubitably."  

Spoken properly, the word should more ooze out of your nose in a low falsetto voice with you eyes half open and your manner disinterested.  The word should never be articulated from your mouth.  If you are not a gentleman from England in a crushed-red-velet smoking jacket in the setting described above, one should only use the word "aficionado" when referring to a particularly dry red wine in front of a fire after a rousing game of Whist while the servants bustle about preparing the stallions for a game of Polo.

So, given this, here is the definition you have been waiting for:

Caficionado: (noun; plural: Caficionados):  1.) An individual who exudes such fanaticism over coffee, from origins and production to crafting methods and taste, that others consider him/her insane.  2.) Brent, Jason, and anyone who reads this post (and others like it) on purpose.

Also, a big contributing factor to deciding upon "Caficionados" was the domain name availability, so there's that.  Whew.  

Now it's time for me to go back to my white-rimmed sunglasses and talk about the latest Trump scandal at the local café...